Mental Health Month “Separating Depressive symptoms from realistic opinions on humanity”

That’s a long title isn’t it? What does it mean?

Philosophers have long quipped that (wo)man’s search for meaning often consists of some degree of navel-gazing and introspection as well as consideration of the greater-meaning of life, including what is positive, negative, realistic and objective versus subjective.

The nuances of each of those, are complex within themselves, can we ever just give a straight and easy answer? Probably not. And because of that, it’s not easy to simply say, someone who has depressive symptoms is not equally influenced by, their world-view which is not always ‘tainted’ by the depression.

In other words, you may be depressed but even if you were not, you may naturally hold or possess some perspectives that could be considered more on the scale of depression than say, the reverse. In other words (lost yet?!) some of our personality is shaped by how we view the world and this can shape how mental illness influences and impacts us.

See it mathematically. If Subject A has a negative world view and also gets depression, which came first, the chicken (world view) or the egg (depression)?

Equally, if Subject A has a realistic world view and also gets depression does that mean being realistic can lead to more likelihood of depression than being say, optimistic?

The reason this matters is – many times those who depression are told the ‘cure’ lies in their perspective. Irrespective of any other considerations such as biological depression, DNA tendencies towards depression, situational depression, etc, the way they perceive the world influences the degree to which they experience depression.

This is true.

But doesn’t that translate into; It’s a choice. It is thus your choice if you do not ‘choose’ to avoid things that may exacerbate or fuel your depression.

This is also true.

So in effect am I supporting the idea depression is a choice and thus, someone’s ‘fault’ if they are depressed?

No.

But isn’t that a contradiction?

It’s not a contradiction because whilst we ARE responsible for what we do with our symptoms and how we perceive things and we know how we perceive things has a knock-on-effect, this is but one element of a larger picture. The larger picture is depression is not simply based upon our perspective of the world nor is our perspective the only cause or effect.

Additionally it is a misnomer to believe positive people never experience depression, negative people always experience depression and realistic people should be less realistic if they want to alleviate their depression symptoms. Whilst there is a relationship between personal perspective and outlook the two are not mutually exclusive, and play only one part in a more complex series of developments leading to depression. It also as stated in earlier posts, depends upon the degree of your depression, the type and the causal factors that vary from person to person, situation to situation.

THAT is why when the media talks about depression they get it so wrong, because they generalize! It’s like trying to talk for every person of color by lumping them all in together! Doesn’t work!

Typically positive thinking is beneficial. But sometimes if you push yourself to be more positive you end up becoming more depressed because you are being ingenious to how you really see the world and you are putting a guilt and pressure on yourself to be someone you are not. One side does not fit all. The way we see the world varies greatly and there is not universal ‘fix’ for depression and that includes positive thinking.

IF positive thinking helps you – emphasis it. IF realistic thinking helps you – go with that instead. For some being too positive feels ingenuous.

Negative thinking is natural but not terribly useful, we all know that. To deny it ever exists puts a lot of pressure upon us to avoid it, sometimes leading to anxiety and feelings of failure. Better to be realistic and admit, if you feel negative, work through it, try to see the other side, and re-balance yourself. Accept that sometimes no matter what you do you may not feel as positive as you would like and you may succumb to negativity for a while. Just so long as you know, there is nowhere to go but down with continual negativity.

That said, sometimes things happen that are negative and not admitting this can be almost like trying believe something you know is not true.

Realistic thinking means accepting bad things happen, not everything is good, you cannot be optimistic all the time and it’s okay if you are not.

Realistic thinking also means you balance the FACTS and you may at times seem negative whereupon you are actually being honest and realistic. Having lived in societies where this was du rigor I was used to that, but moving to America I noticed an emphasis on positive thinking and almost a SHAMING of those who were either realistic or negative. In my humble estimate this may play a part in the increase of depression.

If you live in a society that is intolerant of realistic or negative thinking at almost any cost, and emphasizes and highlights positive thinking you may feel there is something very wrong with you if you do not share that perspective.

I would argue, there is nothing wrong with you and realism should be your first point of call because you are being honest. Lying to yourself either by being too negative or conversely too positive, can have unintended consequences, and whilst aiming high and being positive has its benefits, it does not apply to everyone in every situation.

Case in point, kids today are all given high grades because nobody is allowed to fail. Yet as we know, failure teaches us some valuable lessons. We can take things to extremes and miss the truth of a situation by trying to avoid anything that doesn’t feel ‘good’ yet we learn just as much by trial and error as by positive affirmation and encouragement.

Balance is all.

Next time someone says you are a ‘Debbie Downer’ for being realistic, remind them of this.

Equally, be aware when your negativity sends you into a tail-spin and pull yourself out and re-balance to a more realistic perspective by writing out a list of how you feel versus what you know to be the truth. The key is to try to get how you feel as close to the truth as possible.

Example:

Truth – I am not a loser.

Feeling – I feel like a loser.

Outcome – We can feel like something but without proof it is true, and with evidence to the contrary, this is a feeling stemming from low-self-esteem and maybe an off mood, that can be remedied by realizing how we feel is not always what we are. Equally, define ‘loser’ and critique the ‘need’ to be more than we feel we are.

Living in today’s world with knowledge of history and current events, it’s hard not to at times feel despairing, afraid, frustrated, beyond hope, etc. That is REALISTIC. When we let that bring us down to the abyss that is when negativity has us by the throat. When we dismiss it and look to only enjoy life, that may be dismissing the truth. Sometimes we do have a responsibility to be truthful EVEN if we are going to consider things that do not make us happy. Living hedonistically without care to the world, isn’t realistic, isn’t an answer to depression and does mean we are denying our responsibility to the world at large.

For someone who suffers from depression it can be a natural desire to ‘self-comfort’ by avoiding hard things. Who can blame anyone who has been depressed from wishing to avoid hard things? To ‘not go there’ anymore? But that’s taking things to an extreme. We all must face hard things, in doing so, we learn we can cope, and we also contribute and make things better for others. Running away from that, doesn’t help us evolve and learn coping methods and it means eventually it will catch up with us. Next time you want to run away from something hard, this is worthwhile considering, as a practice run whereby you learn you can handle more than you realize and help others in the process.

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