Emptied

The slow bow of a cello

scraping across strings

reverberation in loss

if her face betrayed

all the pain inside

if her face was a building it would collapse

where the ravage and gaps exist

you cannot see

all the times she’d been

pealing back her expressions one by one

a window without covering

someone sitting at a table

running her bare empty hands along the scarred wood

fingers without rings without bonds

falling against the door frame

hearing the echo

feeling the pain reach in and pull

until only music sounds

the songs we danced to when I was whole

believing what didn’t kill you

made you stronger

then how is it since you

tore out my heart and shredded it

with all the words you gave me over the years

like confetti

I have not been able to stand

without collapsing

I am now set at an angle of grief

you say oh in time all things heal

that must be your experience

maybe when you said you were honest with me

you weren’t honest with yourself

and what would destroy a mortal man

does not get too deeply embroiled

you are after all

by your own omission

someone capable of closing yourself off

feeling nothing

I would that I had learned that art

it may be a month

or ten

but I will stand here again

grief will mark my place

as if no time had passed and no lifting assuaged

the heartache of your betrayal

what can I do to change the outcome

looking down the road and seeing only hurt

I would do anything to change how I will feel

but you have me tied to your world

even as you

leave mine

emptied of love

Two reflections

Easter BunnyFamily

Can be a nest of vipers

The greatest joy

An empty glass

The pain you feel when it matters most

Strangers

The best of times

The cruelest cut

A Sunday

Morning

Before the squirrels are out

You leave the house you grew up in

The walls and plaster and wood of it

Walking fast into town

Empty ships, last night’s slips

A faint odor of terpentine

The market stalls are bare awaiting their traders

Sun is hardly met in sky

You don’t know why

You escape the warmth to be in the cold

Where things unsaid ring truer

In the little park off by the church

Horse chestnuts have fallen

Ivy grows lush

Statues keep their secrets

And imported flowers are red among the green

Like Spanish dancers

You remember

The hollow feeling

And the times it wasn’t

The whoop and rush of emotion

Now you are older and still you are that child

The theatre stands unmanned

All the actors washing their sins

Up to their elbows in suds

He has taken his bike along fastest route

You met here before

Maybe you were twelve

The doorways are the same

The ship fronts have changed names

But still he smells of Autumn and old books

Still his large hand covers yours

And you are the child again

Running from the pain

Dazzled by the jewels of the city

Looking in windows

Seeing this time

Two reflections

Starting today

Bring might to the stage

Stop selling yourself

For pieces of flint and stone

Starting today put away childish things

Voices from the past echoing

A clamor of our downs and undoing

You’re not that clown face anymore

Not the one easily convinced you have no worth

By hellbent egotists intent on keeping you low

That you might never know

The sunlight of your parts

When arranged and strong outlast

Their fickle mercurous passions

For the fat headed go home

Take off their emperor’s clothes

Naked they see the transparency of their game

Is to their shame, their confidence relied upon

Keeping you down

Now you know

Let nobody crush your sights

There is magic in your being

They’ve been keeping quiet for fear

If you knew your worth you’d

Not need them

And their neglect of you

It’s not enough to have scraps

You are deserving

And beautiful

Now that you know

It’s impossible to be caged

By the whittling of simmering minds

Who would deny your purpose with their own agenda

Destroy the child, ruin the man

Or so it goes

Until emerging from dark the child knows

He is made of stars

Breathe deeply and have courage

Little one

For your life is equal to anyone’s

And this veil of sorrow is not your inheritance

You

Are meant

For greater purpose

Now is the time

To claim yourself

Move

travis-bozeman-396018-unsplashWhen you broke my heart

It wasn’t you who broke it

I had to give permission

All the days leading up to that fall

And the nightmares moving behind my eyes like greyscale film

In someways I’d always ended at this sharpened point

I did this to myself

It took that finality to break me apart

I held the chisel to ice

A distant memory of two people filled with joy

Was like a sore on my skin unable to heal

But I want to close my torn chest of its gape

Not see the stain of you separating me from the strength that comes from letting go

I know in time you won’t be a memory

Or even a regret

You’ll be the nothing I wish you’d always been

A cool blank space where all potential pain

Dissolves as salt on snow will leave barely trace

I don’t even wish you didn’t exist

I want to stop wishing for anything in your name

You’ve been a rot in my soul too long

It’s time to move on

Anxiety & how to survive surviving

Anxiety as anyone who has experienced it, which most of us have intermittently, can be rough. When it doesn’t go away it becomes a mental illness rather than a mere short-lived symptom and can be debilitating as you attempt to do the things others do.

Wading through mud is how we experience life is one way people with anxiety describe the feeling.

Watching others able to do things without hesitation, then attempting it yourself and finding it akin to holding your breath for a prolonged period of time, or experiencing a heart attack, makes living with anxiety an isolating hardship.

Typically people who experience anxiety keep quiet about it, due to social stigma and the embarrassment of admitting that they are anxious about something that others do not appear to be.

Some people who experience anxiety are able to work through it and ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ and because of their success, it may lead others who are not able to follow at the same speed, to feel like they have failed. But there are many layers and degrees to anxiety and this will always impact a person’s ability and how far their efforts take them.

Picture this; It is possible to be standing still trying with every pore of your being and yet not appear that you are (trying) to anyone else.

Picture this; It is possible to do something without trying and thus, expend no effort whilst someone with anxiety has to work ten times as hard to produce the same outcome.

Working ten times harder to do something is pretty exhausting. It can lead you to feel inferior because you perceive others finding things easy, and you conclude, therefore it’s me there is something wrong with. I am weak.

But anxiety is no joke and living with anxiety is a daily battle for those who do not respond to medication or therapy and/or have found the long-term side-effects of medication unacceptable.

We’ve all heard how anxious people are more prone to certain diseases (heart disease primarily) and struggle with jobs that are high-stress as so many of ours are these days. Anxiety can impact academic performance, test-taking, public-speaking, relationships, communication, authenticity and sleep. Often people can only tell we are anxious when we confess, otherwise they may perceive us to simply be avoidant, aloof, quiet or shy.

Shyness and anxiety can go hand in hand but one does not beget the other. The ‘bad rap’ both get in American society especially, is unfortunate. Just as the world does not need to be completely filled with extroverts, we should not expect shy people to become outgoing nor anxious people to stop existing in favor of daring people. Diversity is a good thing, that includes the types of people we are. Anxiety only ever becomes a problem when it begins to rule you and dictate to you, rather than the other way around, some anxiety is natural and we all experience it. In fact, the only people who experience almost no anxiety are psychopaths and sociopathic, meaning, if you have a conscience you invariably experience some anxiety and that’s a sign of being balanced.

Mental illness is when something becomes too much that it controls behavior in a detrimental way. I see it like the snake and the snake-charmer, the mental illness is the charmer, the result is the hypnotic snake that lulls us into altered behavior. In the case of anxiety this can manifest in our missing out on things we might actually like to do.

The first port of call is to establish, are you overly anxious and is it negatively impacting your life? If you are simply an introvert who loves your own company or smaller groups of people, and would prefer to read than say, go to a party, that is not a mental illness it’s a great choice and you will probably be very successful! If you are not going out because you are paralyzed by social anxiety that’s cutting the pleasure out of your life and something should be done about it.

Fortunately unlike some other mental illnesses, anxiety is relatively treatable. That does not mean everyone with anxiety will benefit from treatment but the success rate of treatment is higher with anxiety than any other mental illness. Nobody knows why this is for sure, but some reasons could include, responding well to medication and better options for therapy. Equally, in the milder forms of anxiety there is less morbidity, meaning some mental illness is very intrenched and hard to treat.

For some however, anxiety does not dissipate and this is true of all treatments there are those who do not respond. It’s not their fault, and it makes it very hard for them because it acts as a double-whammy, firstly they have something they see others may not, secondly they do not respond to treatment, two negatives. If you know someone like that, consider the impact of a flippant remark like “you may be anxious but just relax” and how that could add to feelings of inadequacy and error.

Anxiety is heightened by stress and what constitutes one person’s stress differs from another. Personally, the work place was my stressor. I related it subconsciously and consciously to stress because of bad experiences. Anxiety is often ‘the fear of what could or may happen’ rather than what’s happening right now. You can experience anxiety in the moment, but often it’s more of a preview feeling. In the case of work place anxiety, you can get very anxious on say., a Sunday night, imagining the potential stressors Monday morning.

Unfortunately whilst therapy can help you become aware of your ‘internal scripts’ and dialogue and seek to change how you self-talk by changing the meaning of what you internalize, it’s not a certain cure. I can tell myself, Monday may not be bad, Monday could be good, one bad experience does not equate to all bad experiences. And I may logically believe that, but emotionally it is harder to translate the logic to the emotion. The pathway is often fraught with long-learned anxiety triggers and it’s almost a battle of the wills.

Sometimes you hear that someone has been ‘strong enough’ to over-come their negative self-talk and I say, good on you if you’re one of them. Equally, this can lead to feelings of failure for those who are unable to quit the long learned script in their head that manifests dread. Sometimes it’s not even a palpable ‘fear’ so much as a generalized anxiety and it can manifest in more ways than an internal script. Anxious people often sweat, have trouble sleeping, may seek drink/drugs/bad habits to assuage their anxiety without even being aware of it, may increase their heart rate or worse case scenario have a panic attack.

All these things are symptoms of an anxiety disorder that can if left unchecked, control and dominate the strongest people. Whilst much can be done and should be done to limit anxiety, there is always going to be a difference between a laid-back person and an anxious person. This is as much as anything, personality, life-experience, coping, DNA and possibly even biology. The latter because anxiety can be learned, and can run in families (inherited) through a mixture of biological and social traits. Depending on how much is biological it may be impossible to completely eradicate.

Epigenetics is the study of whether something is biological in origin or ‘learned’ (socialization) with the belief being, it is a mixture of the two, and by understanding the relationship between two, you can better predict and understand, outcome. Studies done on twins show that whilst they have the same DNA their ‘life experiences’ and where they live and with whom, influence their outcomes. This is true about every facet in life, including what we eat (we are what we eat) how many children we have and tons of other little nuances. Epigenetics is complex and we can never know for sure, how many factors make up the differences and similarities in people and studied populations.

Whilst a researcher may need to generalize to create a working theory, within that generalization are many differences that do not get picked up by mass studies, this is true of the layers of anxiety and each person will vary in their response to treatment and cause. What may cause anxiety in one, does not in another, but equally, they may become anxious about something else entirely. Ensuring we are sensitive to those who experience anxiety will obviously decrease their anxiety! Thus, we can be the change we want to see!

Mental Health Month “I can deal with it / why can’t you?”

Want to hear a horrible truth? Some of the worst judges of the mentally ill are former mentally ill (or current!) people!

How can that be? Think of ex-smokers and it will become apparent.

There is something in the human psyche in some people, where if ‘WE’ have conquered something, we become intolerant of those who do not.

Why? Maybe it’s a defense mechanism, maybe it’s a feeling that if you’re able to, others are weak for not being able to, maybe it’s just the euphoria of knowing you have, or perhaps it’s denial, you think you have, you say you have, you condemn those who have not, because you’re trying to believe it yourself.

Whatever the reason (and it is important, but it’s very complex) the outcome is if you are mentally ill and another mentally ill person or someone who ‘was’ tells you that you need to get over it, that hurts twice as bad, because you know they know! Or you think well they must do, right?

Wrong.

Just like women will sometimes tell you they cannot recall the extent of the pain they experienced in child-birth because we have hormones that specifically block some of those memories so that women will not be put off having children again, this can be the case for the ‘formerly’ mentally ill. They forget how they felt, they forget how bad it was, they are over it now, they have moved on!

Except, if they have moved on, then why are they so keen to judge?

The truth is, it is too close to home, and a part of them knows they could feel it again, maybe even already does, and so, they lash out because .. they’re frightened.

And that’s why most people do bad things, out of fear.

The man who is in the closet for being gay may tell others it’s wrong to be gay.

The person who is abusing children may be one of the loudest condemnor of sexual predators.

Humans can be hypocrites, never more so than when fear or fear of judgement is involved. We will deny our very selves and turn on those who have the most in common with us, just to save ourselves.

There are of course, other reasons, but fear is a big motivator. Denial is another. And fear and denial can, as we all know, be a great breeding ground for extremist thinking.

Think of those who join extremist cults and their stories and this will be painfully apparent.

So one of the worst things to happen to mentally ill people is … other mentally ill people.

Sad but true. When you think the one person who will ‘get it’ doesn’t, that can really leave you floundering. You may be able to ignore someone who doesn’t get it, but if someone who ‘should’ get it, still doesn’t, that can leave you thinking it really is my fault, it really is something wrong with me.

A bad recipe.

So if you have ever experienced a mental illness and you feel better now – good on you – but spare a thought and better still spare some mercy and empathy for someone who isn’t there yet and may never be.

After all, there are degrees of mental illness, and how bad it gets. There are biological reasons. There are physical reasons. There are emotional and literal reasons. No two people are the same. Some of us by our very DNA are more likely to be addicts, others are more likely to be suicidal. Studies show time and time again, we are not simply bound by the same rules, but our biological legacies. It is literally true that if you have not walked in that person’s shoes you cannot know what they are going through.

If you feel you are stronger than others because you once had a mental illness and now you do not, if you believe you ‘cured’ yourself by sheer will power and effort, and you are ready to condemn and criticise others and tell them that they need to get with the program, consider the above, and hold your tongue. It is one thing to support and encourage, it is quite another to make someone feel that if they just tried as hard as you have, they will not have whatever is wrong with them any longer.

Sadly for many with mental illness it is a recurring, cyclical or intermittent disease that will return. For others it goes away and never comes back. Much of this has to do with the type of mental illness and why it occurred. For example if someone has PTSD from witnessing a brutal attack, the prognosis for them long-term is good, if they did not have a pre-existing condition.

But for someone else with life-long anxiety or depression, being told they should be able to get over it, by someone else who has, but for differing reasons, is counter productive and damaging. It can act as a disincentive, just like the focus on being happy all of the time in our society, can be a thorn in the side of those, who are attempting to just cope with getting out of bed.

We come at things from a myriad of differing directions, lest we forget this, consider long and hard before ever judging, every single time and maybe you’ll find, there is never a good reason (to judge).

Mental Health Month “Mental illness in education”

It may have the same rules and the same applications, but as anyone who has left home to attend a college will testify, college-life is a world of its own. Thus, the usual rules of society are different and that applies to the handling of mental health.

When I first went to college I was surprised at how good the mental health facilities were but I was not in America. Even during post-grad studies in America I was glad there were some mental health facilities for students that were an improvement to what was out there for everyone else.

But that’s just my experience. Since then I have come to see many failings in the provision of mental health resources and support for many students. This includes people of color, foreign students, exchange students, different age students, transgender students, homosexual students, females, males, androgynous students and many more.

By this I mean, one size does not fit all. My own relatively positive experience is not everyone’s.

Girls who report rape on campus, historically were quashed, played down, underreported and asked inappropriate questions. Counselors are often not equipped or trained specifically in sexual assault and sexual trauma, despite that being one of the key reasons a student may seek counseling (exam stress being the number one reason). This goes double for boys who are raped on campus, and transgender students who are raped.

A foreign exchange student unfamiliar with the laws of the land, with their own cultural biases and experiences may not have the kind of emotional support they would get in their country of origin, equally the support may be better.

Stigma and shame are infrequently addressed as leading causes of student drop out rates.

Having taught this age-group I found teachers were picking up the slack and acting as surrogate counselors because of huge cut-backs in school/college/university counselors. It is simply not considered a priority. Example; A local university to me, has cut their counselors from previously 15 to wait for it …. ONE. Yes ONE counselor for the entire student population.

Having academic advisors is equally important as they act as academic counselors, and can also defray some of the potential issues that could turn into mental concerns. Anxiety being the most common symptom reported among students nationally, this dual approach to helping students could reduce drop-out rates but maybe that’s not what universities want? It is known many universities use the first semesters as a form of culling high student bodies, but these are people’s lives? Is that our best approach?

The increasingly difficult and narrow world of work and our work force are causing more and more students to become anxious about what awaits them upon graduation, we cast them out with their degrees and do not offer them any follow-up counseling which they may not be able to afford once they are out of the system. It’s no good patting ourselves on the back for graduating students if we are literally leaving them to sink or swim.

More and more students struggle to pay for increasingly inflated student fees and universities are literally profiting off student accommodation and meal plans, they are becoming real estate magnates owning vast swaths of land that are worth millions and not putting enough investment in the students that make this possible.

Suicide, rape, and the onset of many mental health issues often become apparent during these crucial years away from family often for the first time. It is now that we need to support our young future work force in making the right decisions and helping them with any encroaching mental health issues or we risk having a fall out that will last far longer and cost far more.

Having to personally pay for disability testing as is the case in many universities is wrong because students should not be expected to foot the often prohibitively high costs of disability testing to ensure they are covered by the disability act. This applies to all learning disorders and stress related complaints. For those who believe this is letting students off lightly, ask yourself, what would you do instead? Do you want an uneducated mentally ill workforce instead of one you are trying to help be their very best?

Equally, not everyone should go to university, though all should have the chance, and as such, we should be offering better academic counseling before students enroll at university, because we send them into a system of one size fits all without due regard to individual strengths, interests and needs. Often times someone training in a profession rather than obtaining a degree can earn more and has a more realistic chance of getting a job after they graduate.

Minority students of all walks of life run the risk of isolation, exclusion, racism or prejudicial behavior. Many first time university students whose parents did not go to university have no guidance and can flounder in unfamiliar territory. when I went to a foreign university I had no idea about certain things and it would have helped to have some mentor or guidance for questions.

Finally, resources should include counseling not just medication because we still do not know the long-term effects on the developing brain of strong psychotropic pills.

Students can achieve much of this by petitioning their student council to make this a priority and close the gap between those high functioning students and the attrition rate.

Mental Health Month “Unipolar v. Bipolar & the great error”

After a school shooting or shopping mall attack, we nod and say; “Oh the perp was Bipolar (or schizophrenic).”

For those who are Bipolar (or Schizophrenic, discussed in a later post) this is the worst kind of association and thus, stigma imaginable.

Ironically throughout my life, I have been friends with a great number of Bipolar people and can attest that assuming all Bipolar people are gun-toting and ready to blow you away is a little like thinking all feminists want to castrate men.

Sure, mental illness can exacerbate another condition such as anger, and be part of the impetus that leads to an unacceptable outcome. However, this alone doesn’t logically mean all people with certain mental illnesses ARE going to do that. Just as the vast majority of those who are Islam would NEVER be a terrorist, the same is true of those with Bipolar (or other mental disorders)

But try telling that to the media who irresponsibly fuel this stigma.

It’s like the whisper game, you whisper to a friend and by the time you’re at the end of 20 people meaning has changed.

Ask most people and they will say that they think the majority of shooters of that kind are mentally ill and typically Bipolar or Schizophrenic. How could that not impact how they see those people?

As discussed before, stigma is the worst element of any ‘label’ and is carried even when you dismiss it, as a permanent stain in our society so fond of judging others.

Bipolar, previously known as ‘Manic Depression/Manic Depressive’ is a disorder of two parts. Typically you are either Bipolar 1 or ll or mixed-effect meaning not clearly defined by either category. The problem with categorizing is obvious, the benefit is for those trying to establish treatment protocols but like anything else, mental disorders go in swings and roundabouts of popularity, and at times, it’s almost the illness-du-jour to label a higher number of people Bipolar.

I question diagnosis for the simple reason that having seen it implemented I have seen a great many mistakes in those diagnosis. At times it can seem comforting to be ‘told’ what you ‘are’ and ‘treated’ and has saved lives. I don’t dispute that. I do however, worry that the tools by which we diagnose are faulty.

A diagnosis of Bipolar is based upon several criteria, one being that you must have had a manic episode. Bipolar ll requires a manic episode of less severity. A manic episode can be characterized by many behaviors, typically including, insomnia/wakefulness for several days, excessive impulse behavior such as spending money, making rapid and interchangeable big life changes, impulsivity and promiscuity.

Of the MANY bipolar people I know intimately, and have met throughout the years, I have yet to meet two who are alike. What that tells me is labels are usually as counter-productive as over medicating can be and Bipolars are often over-medicated. However unlike Uni-Polar (Depression and/or Dysthymia) Bipolars really respond to medication and are perhaps most likely to benefit from medication of all mental illnesses. As one who doesn’t believe in the ‘magic pill’ I would stand by anyone who has Bipolar taking medication but caution against over-medication and/or not considering other options in tangent, such as diet-change and therapy.

Many people who become Bipolar do so during puberty/late teenage years. It comes on usually as an extreme manic or depressive episode that can lead to hospitalization, suicide attempts or dangerous behavior. In the past Bipolars were characterized from depressives as being ‘delusional’ and thus, ‘clinically insane’ during manic episodes, and thus, their diagnosis was higher up on the ‘illness’ scale of mental illnesses and it was easier to declare them legally unfit.

In this I would agree. Uni-polar depression is basically that, depression. Bi-polar is a mixed cycle (of varying length, degree and frequency) of mania versus depressive symptoms. As such during the manic-period of Bi-polar, individuals can be clinically delusional and suffer delusions of grandeur, extreme expansive thinking and other exaggerated and not literal feelings. One could argue when someone is depressed they are delusional also, but ask a depressed person they will tell you they know it’s depression. Ask someone in a manic episode, they don’t know it until they ‘come down’ and thus, it’s hard to reason with someone during a manic episode. Consequently they can unintentionally do a great deal of harm to others and themselves.

What it takes to push ANYONE to the edge where they choose to shoot people, is more than any mental illness alone. It takes a CHOICE. If you are delusional you don’t have the same kind of choice system as someone sane, so to some extent you can appreciate the diagnosis of clinical insanity when a very ill person shoots other people BUT despite this, Bipolar has more consciousness than say, a full on Schizophrenic delusional episode, and as such, I would argue, most people with Bipolar can choose (not to shoot people) and are more likely to hurt themselves than others (explaining the very high rate of suicide comparatively).

Does that mean they are not capable of making some VERY bad choices? Of course not, they often will, but it is often rooted in self-destruction than destroying others. Some exceptions exist but that is true of everyone. You cannot say someone with Bipolar is more likely to kill than anyone else, because statistically more murders are committed by people without Bipolar than with. As with anything, there is a tendency to push someone over the edge if they are ostracized, shamed, judged, stigmatized and bullied. At that juncture they may act out of their norm because that’s how far they have gone down the rabbit hole.

Bipolar is a very painful disease to live with because on the one hand it can produce the highest elation and feelings of wellness, ability, skill, intellect, foresight, emotion and productivity, followed by a massive crash and the exact reverse. It is the rollercoaster of emotions that cause the higher risk of suicide, imagine feeling on top of the world followed by feeling like you want to die? How is anyone supposed to live with that? This is why medication does work because it can suppress the extent of mania and the extent of depression and level off that individual to a safer plato. But of course ask any Bipolar they will tell you it also curbs the intensity and feels a lot like castration of the mind and emotional pallet which is why periodically Bipolars will ‘go off’ their medication in an attempt to ‘feel’ authentic.

In my own experience, the vast majority of people with Bipolar are considerably above-average in intelligence, and can produce in short periods of time literally incredible outcomes be it artistic or another form. They often have an addictive intensity and are highly likable in those moods, and then quite a different person when crashed. It can be challenging being friends because even when medicated there are up and downs and these medicated shifts, are often characterized by irritability, argumentive(ness) and ‘bitchiness’ which can be difficult.

But all in all Bipolars are given an unfair ‘rap’ by society and struggle every day to achieve an equilibrium that is false to their very natures. In some ways their lives are more interesting than a uni-polar depressive who fights to ever feel that euphoria or happiness, but on the other hand, the swing and mercurial dive into darkness can be more life-threatening. Stupidly I used to envy my more manic friends who seemed to have endless energy and enthusiasm, but there is definitely a high price for this.

Diagnosis is an imperfect science and it is worth noting that more and more people are being diagnosed as suffering from Bipolar 1 or ll and I find this highly suspect. If you are diagnosed you may want to double-check by getting a second-opinion. If you asked anyone if they had a manic episode, chances are they have, be it in a fever-dream or otherwise. People can be promiscuous or manic for other reasons than Bipolar and given that the medication is often strong and has serious side-effects it’s dangerous to accept a diagnosis without being absolutely sure.

Additionally, Bipolars are often diagnosed in their 60’s and beyond which I believe is a misnomer and incorrect. Bipolar disease is a manifestation of the young, and it can worsen as you age, but rarely if ever occurs in older age. If it does this could be the result of something else and that should be treated before the symptoms of Bipolar. Bipolar without a co-morbid primary causality does not just ‘suddenly’ strike a 60-year-old or I would argue, even a 40-year-old. Yes you can go many years ‘un-diagnosed’ but to suddenly start exhibiting symptoms? That’s something else and you should not accept a doctor fobbing you off.

Some Bipolars can function without medication and if you are in that category that may save you the long-term side-effects of medication and the tendency of over-medication by medical professionals, but there is no shame if you are not able to function without some medication and many Bipolars find it helps so much to get on a regiment of medication that works for them, like anything, Bipolar is a disease of extremes and can be ‘mild’ or ‘severe’ just like depression can.

I cannot tell you the number of people I have known who were let-go, fired or forced to leave their jobs when their diagnosis was found out. Equally there are examples that concern me, of Bipolar Psychotherapists hiding their diagnosis and treating patients. I have a lot of compassion for this but from my own experience I think it’s best not to hide a diagnosis even if it means not being able to be a therapist. The same is not true of other jobs, we cannot expect most bosses to understand and we’re only increasing the likelihood of stigmatization to reveal it to them. That said, in some instances with healthcare insurance tied to employment it’s impossible not to.

Contrary to Bipolar stereotypes most with Bipolar are functioning pretty well all things considered and can be supportive to others, and often leaders in innovative, creative expression. But for every success story there are many who suffer so extremely and do not respond to medication and those people are often left feeling they have ‘failed’ where others have succeeded which only makes them feel worse. This is not the case. There is no failure there are degrees of illness. For some, Bipolar can be managed, for others, it cannot just as with varying degrees of depression. If you are not able to function ‘normally’ (whatever that is!) that’s not a personal weakness or indictment of YOU.

Try convincing someone of that … not easy especially when they are bombarded with stories of over-coming Bipolar. Bipolar cannot be eliminated but it can be dealt with. The extent to how much it can be dealt with depends entirely upon the severity of Bipolar and NOT the personal weakness/strength of the individual. It’s imperative never to compare those suffering from Bipolar unfavorably and make someone feel they are failing or not trying.

Typically Bipolars are more at risk for co-morbid diseases such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Anxiety, Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder (ADHD), alcohol and substance abuse. Again, this is not because they are ‘choosing’ these co-morbidities but because of the interrelationship between some mental diseases. Consequently Bipolars also report higher rates of sexual assault, and injury.

Our understanding of the facets of any mental illness is our way of being an inclusive and supportive society for those among us who suffer. What does it take to read this and learn more about a disorder that affects so many people in our society today? What does it take to become more aware of the pitfalls in hope that you could help someone in crisis in the future?

Finally, it is worthwhile considering holding off on a diagnosis of Bipolar in children unless ABSOLUTELY certain because many manifestations that ‘look like’ Bipolar are in fact not, and medication has a deleterious effect on growing-brains that is little understood. Therapy and treatment for the effects is a less dangerous way of dealing with symptoms that resemble Bipolar in children. It is uncommon to manifest as Bipolar before puberty and I personally though not a Psychiatrist, caution against diagnosis until late teen age years (17+).