When you broke my heart
It wasn’t you who broke it
I had to give permission
All the days leading up to that fall
And the nightmares moving behind my eyes like greyscale film
In someways I’d always ended at this sharpened point
I did this to myself
It took that finality to break me apart
I held the chisel to ice
A distant memory of two people filled with joy
Was like a sore on my skin unable to heal
But I want to close my torn chest of its gape
Not see the stain of you separating me from the strength that comes from letting go
I know in time you won’t be a memory
Or even a regret
You’ll be the nothing I wish you’d always been
A cool blank space where all potential pain
Dissolves as salt on snow will leave barely trace
I don’t even wish you didn’t exist
I want to stop wishing for anything in your name
You’ve been a rot in my soul too long
It’s time to move on
On the surface I may not seem like much but I have always held this truth;
“Be the change you want to see” (Gandhi)
That means be the friend you would like to have.
I used to be the typical teenager, self-involved, over-sensitive. I thought I was being a good friend but looking back I can see some easy mistakes I made such as always putting my feelings first and not being able to empathize enough with others.
Now that I’m a bit more empathetic I really try, but I must admit it has been hard to make friends as an ‘adult’ because so often people lie and let you down.
More than anything I wish I had friends where I live now, when I moved to America I really lost the ones I left behind, as distance tends to do that, and I didn’t make new ones. I know I should ‘join a club’ but I’m an introvert and that’s really hard for me to do.
Friendship is so underestimated and one reason adults can be lonely especially if like me they don’t have kids.
I would never treat a friend badly and I really don’t understand those who do. Even on WP I have had some people mistreat me, those days are over, I’m too guarded now, which really if you think about it, is a shame.
If we all treated others as we would wish to be treated and we were HONEST the world would be so much better. Period.