Mental Health Month “Rape”

Rape isn’t a subject people talk about very often. Sadly it’s a subject people joke about quite a bit.

The first time I heard a rape-joke I didn’t get it. It was too disgusting to ‘get’ and I am glad I didn’t. Everyone else did though and they all laughed. At the time I didn’t think how someone sitting there who had been raped would feel, but statistics tell us, that likelihood is quite high considering that 80 percent of rape goes unreported and even the reported numbers are staggering.

How a rape joke could hope to be funny, baffles me, but it maybe is more telling of our society as a whole, that we can laugh at true misfortune and tragedy. That’s not gallows humor, that’s just sick.

Rape is never funny. Rape is never something that doesn’t matter. Perhaps if we acted like it mattered more, those who were rape survivors would not be more subject to a plethora of mental illness.

That’s why rape is a subject this Mental Health Month. Because the link between rape and mental illness exists. Rape can among other things, be a cause or contributing cause or exacerbation of; PTSD, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Depression, Phobias, Suicidality and Suicide, Cutting/Self-Harm and many other conditions.

We’ve talked in earlier posts about how that doesn’t diminish the very real and medical ‘illness’ of mental disorders, and just because an act pushes someone toward feeling a certain way, does not decrease the legitimacy of the illness part of any mental disease. Illness can and is caused by trauma, and there are few things more traumatic to a girl or woman (or boy or man) than rape.

Perhaps though there is one thing worse and that is not being believed, or the act of rape being diminished or ignored.

I hope most of you have watched The Hunting Ground, a documentary on Campus rapes here in America, but if you have not yet, and you have children, know college age kids, or people who work on campuses, it is compulsory viewing not to be missed.

Ultimately the numbers of rapes committed in any situation are underreported, under prosecuted, and not punished. Some judges do not believe a rapist should go to jail. It is often said ‘but he’s such a good boy and he has his entire life ahead of him’ and this stands as a perfectly reasonable explanation for not giving a rapist a harsher sentence.

The other big let-down as far as rape in the legal system goes, is that rape has a statute of limitations and thus, if five years pass and you do not report your rape you are not protected under the law anymore and cannot prosecute your rapist. This is not true for many other crimes including murder, and financial embezzlement. In other words, you can prosecute someone for stealing from you years later, but you cannot prosecute someone for raping you after a certain time period. Great message you’re giving the survivor!

In the interest of fairness, it should be pointed out this exists because the likelihood of having proof after five years is diminished and it is to protect those falsely accused many years later. But that relies upon a significant swath of false accusations and assumes that proof must exist to punish a rape rather than taking the word of the survivor. Therein lies the rub. It is a difficult subject to prosecute when it’s one person’s word against another and historically women have not been believed over men who were upstanding and respected in the community. So if you’re a prostitute and you are raped by a politician, don’t expect anyone to believe you.

Maybe we cannot do enough about this to change it entirely, but speeding up the rate of prosecution cases, ensuring all rape kits are tested (when so many lie untested due to lack of funding) ensuring the survivors are not ‘blamed’ during their legal ordeal, and educating everyone about the low figures of false reporting, may make some difference.

As with anything we can find examples of those who cried wolf, but that is literally true of anything human. It is singular to rape survivors that they are accused of ‘making it up’ as if everyone involved knows of 1000 x cases of liars who pretended they were raped for whatever gain. We should as we do with ‘innocent until proven guilty’ assume someone is likely to be telling the truth when they pluck up the courage and report being raped. If nothing else, something is wrong.

No more so than on campuses across America today, where so many young people are raped and do not report it knowing it will not go anywhere, or do report it and find those who raped them are not penalized sufficiently because they are a star football player. This inequality of punishment needs to be eliminated because what you are effectively saying is, you are not worth as much as the rapist or we do not believe your rape mattered enough to punish this person.

Sometimes I have heard people say ‘she’s too ugly to be raped she must be lying’ and awful things like that. I had one person told by a police officer that because she admitted she was gay, she had obviously chosen to ‘try the other side’ for the night when she was dragged along the street at night and raped by a stranger in an abandoned warehouse. Sure. She wanted it.

Seeing why people who survive rape, are at high risk for some kind of short-term mental illness or at high risk for exacerbating a pre-existing one, is obvious when you look at the details of what someone really goes through. The aftermath of rape is nearly always the worst part. We need to bring our ability to empathize and our compassion to the table and treat all rape cries seriously.

I have worked in two Rape Crisis Centers and the second one I worked in, only prosecuted a handful of cases via the authorities, due to the enormous back-log of DNA testing (rape kits) and the desire of the authorities to plea deal rather than prosecute. Let us not forget a plea deal is often a free pass for a rapist and his offense is often knocked down to a smaller crime that will not indicate to someone looking at his record, that he is a serial rapist. Typically those who rape do so again and again, so if we do not incarcerate them, reeducate them and rehabilitate them if possible they will go out and do it again.

Likewise those who are beyond our help are still let out onto the streets along with paedophiles whom they know will re-offend it’s just a matter of time. How does this happen? How can we justify this?

For those survivors who tell others that they were raped, it is on our shoulders to be as supportive and gentle as possible with someone who confides in us. So often rape is a subject of humor and fun making and there is literally, nothing funny about rape.SAAMP2017 (SM)7

https://merrildsmith.wordpress.com/

https://www.rainn.org/

National Sexual Abuse Hotline: 800-656-HOPE

How to respond to a survivor: https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-respond-survivor

 

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Mental Health Month “the invisible mentally ill”

Most people when faced with the knowledge someone is mentally ill says

why don’t you just get some help?

therein lies the rub

this writer can attest, ‘getting help’ isn’t as easy as clicking your red shoes together

In the US today there are large portions of what I term ‘shut-in depressives’ those people who are under-or-un diagnosed as suffering from Major Depressive Disorder. They are typically under-employed/unemployed/self-employed or on a pension. They do not factor into many of our statistics in this country. If we added them, imagine how much the landscape of mental health in this country would change? IE; More sick people than we realized.

Why aren’t they counted?

Many times if you aren’t insured by your full-time job you don’t have access to mental health resources. Even with insurance you are severely restricted to how much you can obtain. Individuals with this coverage often fear being discovered and do not use it, or fear the stigma from doctors who if they see ‘anxiety’ on your medical chart, will literally see any illness you have as being psychosomatic (in your head) so … chest pain? Anxiety. Headaches? Anxiety.

My friend who had headaches and was mentally ill was told, it’s anxiety.

It was a brain tumor.

Secondly; Those who are not full-time employees of a company who still insures their workers (and this is growing daily) has to purchase their own insurance. If you consider the cost of say, one of the lowest plans, at $450 a month, a car payment, plus a $8k deductible that has to be paid out of your pocket before you can begin being covered, how many people working say, part-time or a low to medium wage job can afford that? May as well not have insurance!

Of course if you want to pay out $900 a month like a friend of mine, you get great insurance. $900 will also pay for a rented apartment per month.

Thirdly; Those who choose not to go with the self-pay medical insurance are not irresponsible they are normal working folk who cannot afford to pay that much per month. They rely upon pay-as-you-go services like walk-in-clinics. Such clinics cannot refer you up the chain, so they’re great for a sprain or ant bites, not so good if there’s something seriously wrong.

Forth; The ER. The USA has seen huge numbers of people coming into local ER’s with mental health problems, they are second to major car accidents seen at ER’s and typically include the homeless, the low-income, the undocumented, and students. This is a short-term solution. If you are having a manic episode they will pump you full of pills, give you a script, a few lists of people you can follow-up with and send you on your way after a 3 day hold. Given that most state-run hospitals for mental illness were closed in favor of ‘care in the community’ more mentally ill people can be found in jail and prison than anywhere else. Second to that, the streets.

But what we do not consider, are the numbers of invisible mentally ill who fall through the cracks and defy the stereotypes. I will call those people high-functioning mentally ill, by this I do not mean they are ‘better’ than the mentally ill man on the street, but they are able to cover their mental illness a little more, and ‘act’ more functioning. This is the same as a high-functioning alcoholic, and it does in no way suggest those who are not, are weaker.

The high-functioning depressive is typically older. We hear a lot about teen depression because of the higher rates of suicide upon early diagnosis among teens. There are more resources for teens and young people than middle-aged brackets because the two age groups highest for suicide are the very young and the very old.

Where does that leave the 30-year-old mother suffering from postpartum depression or the 35-year-old man who is living in the back of his parents garden in a trailer or the 45-year-old wife who drinks during the day to cope?

The invisible and the high-functioning (because both are not mutually exclusive) walk among us. Typically if you ask them how they are doing they will say ‘fine’ and you will know they do not mean it but you will not ask them more and they will know they do not mean it and will not offer more. Why? Because unlike at 16 when you trust the world to want to listen, a few years down the road you get it, nobody wants to know.

And it’s not just that nobody wants to know about depression it’s that nobody wants to know a depressive, or be friends with a depressive, or be married to a depressive, or date a depressive, or hang out with a depressive.

Does that sound harsh? Do you feel the need to defend?

It’s a harsh truth because if you asked anyone, yourself included, would you rather be friends with someone who is depressive or not, most people statistically check the ‘not’ box. Does that mean if you are dating someone who reveals they are depressed you will automatically dump them? No because you are invested and loyal. But if you went on a dating site, would you choose the profile of someone who says they are depressed most of the time? A few will say yes, and mean it, but the majority, will not.

And that’s the crux of it. It’s a circular self-fulfilling prophecy.

The depressed person – puts off the non-depressed – by their sense of isolation and loneliness – and becomes more lonely and isolated because their depression causes others to avoid them.

So feeling isolated breeds more isolation in effect.

And they still say … snap out of it (like anyone who feels this way, is choosing that for a fun buzz)

Now, to be fair, isn’t it understandable and isn’t it unfair to expect people who are not depressed to ‘friend a depressive’ and be responsible for cheering them up? Sure. But that’s not what a depressed person needs. They know their partner, sister, mom, aunt cannot ‘cheer them up’ because it doesn’t work like that, and neither do magic wands.

What a depressed person wants is the same as what everyone else wants. They want to be accepted for who they are, they want to be respected, they want to be liked, they want to be loved.

But on the other hand they are battling feelings of isolation, alienation, despair, panic, anxiety, fear, nightmares, terror, self-hate, phobias, sensitivity and paranoia.

You may say, well if someone is paranoid then how am I supposed to help them?

Again, it’s not your job to ‘help’ it’s your role if you choose, to be in their life, just like you would anyone else.

For most this is a difficult chore. They find it hard when the depressed person bails on them because they cannot get out of bed, when they have a melt down for no apparent reason, when they are quiet and not talkative, when nothing they do seems to make them happy.

Oh happiness, the illusive demon for the depressed, always out of reach.

Or in the case of the bipolar, there, gone, there, gone, there, gone.

No depressed person or mentally ill person chooses their burden, and yet, the world is intolerant of their disease in a way that is unique to mental illness.

The next question has to be … why? We’ll deal with that in a future post.

So the bottom line is – among us today are many who are invisible to mental health services (of which there are precious few). They are not poor enough for the very lowest income options, they are not well off enough to realistically afford their own insurance, coverage or get a job that will provide that, and as America was founded on the work ethic and our health care was tied to our ability to work this was a problem that bore the need for alternatives, which we now have, but they are so expensive it defeats the point.

Where does the stay at home mom or stay at home wife, or part-time-worker with depression go to get help and treatment that is reliable, cost-effect, consistent and long enough in duration to have any effect?

Having lived in several countries I am in a position to attest, it’s not that much better in other countries. There are more services literally speaking in countries with socialized healthcare but they are so full as to be practically redundant for the complex needs of their societies. I have yet to find a model I would use to base future health care ideals upon.

Then of course you have countries like India, China, Russia, that have a mixed-bag in terms of their approaches to the issue of mental health. For some, it’s almost akin to a crime, for others, admitting it will effectively condemn you to forced inadequate treatments and large-scale stigmatization (more on stigma and shame in future posts) and others socially encourage the condemnation of the mentally ill so that it’s not even discussed and acknowledged.

So as a whole, when we look at all the countries that make up our planet, we are failing to help those who have mental illness, really, really failing. And worst still, there are those among us, who we don’t even know are suffering, who have nowhere to turn, and effectively subsist rather than exist.

You can see them if you look close enough. But most of us don’t want to, or are too ‘busy’ to care. With everything in our ever-busy lives, when do we have time? The only ones who may really try to do something, are going to be our nearest and dearest and for many depressed people there are no nearest and dearest.

What if you are alone more or less and you are mentally ill and you don’t have money, where do you go?

Posing this question to a mentally ill person in the midst of a crisis they are likely as not to say, I’d just give up and take my own life.

Next time you judge someone for being suicidal, consider, have we left many other options for them?