People who have said
The exact same thing
You must trust me
It would be pathological not to
There is no good reason
I am telling the truth
Here’s a promise
I mean what I say
Then. Then. Then.
It is a lie
What do you do
The next time
And the next?
How do you disseminate
I can trust this one
But not this one
You may be saying the exact same thing
Expecting me to believe
Why does one promise
Differ from another?
Why does one person’s assurance
Ring true whilst another is, hollow?
You often cannot tell
As much as you want to
As smart as you wish
You simply do not know
You’re at the mercy of those words of promise
Potentially it can keep happening
When it does, eventually something breaks and you say
Enough ! Just enough !
Then you really can’t believe anyone
You just can’t
If you can’t believe anyone then what?
Where do you go from there?
How do you get over that?
How do you move on?
Isn’t moving on surely, just being alone?
If that much mistrust has built
That many people have proven false
Of course a voice in your head says
Maybe it’s your fault
All of this
Because you’re the common denominator
You deserve this and cause it
But you don’t know how
You just want
People to be honest
Don’t tell me things because you think I want to hear them
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
Just be honest
It’s the dishonesty I can’t take
Even as the truth can hurt
A lie will always be worse
10 thoughts on “Those words of promise”
It’s being caught between. Don’t trust and fear takes root because living in society requires it. But do trust and the possibility of loss can cause as much damage. However, occasionally, trust is borne out. And that, to me, is worth the pain.
Of course you are right. I don’t think I have ever read something you wrote and thought ‘na not at all’ you are a wise soul. Respectfully I would say my own experience differs, in that I really have lost trust and I would wish that trust were borne out and I would wish that it were so, and I would say it often could be but not in my experience tremendously often and that is probably the crux of my sadness because if you cannot trust how can you … anything? xo
Can you trust yourself? Trust that tomorrow will come regardless of what you do? Trust that the sun will be warm?
People are harder. I trust that most people are only looking out for their own interests. I trust them only where my interests intersect with theirs. But real relationships: individual, one on one, relationships must have trust even if that trust hasn’t been earned.
You’re right. I’ve never fully lost trust in someone but keep in mind that my base level of trust is completely cynical.
Well that’s actually food for thought. I hadn’t honestly thought of that. I mean when you put it that way, you are right, what can be trusted? So why would we expect to trust another person if as you say, you cannot ‘trust’ that the sun will rise? I agree. I also see how you cannot forge a common intense bond with a person without relinquishing trust to them and that is the sticking point because there is nothing worse than discovering you made an error in doing so. That said, if you stop doing it you stop living. I’m not sure what the compromise is! People ARE harder you are so right my friend but I like that you said that about the world and the sun because it puts it into perspective. We often expect too much of this world or each other. Then again I want to expect that much. See and I am cynical in a way but moreover I’m just plain stupid sometimes. I don’t know how to trust without it being earned but of course that takes years. I do agree those who are selfish are hilariously more trustworthy because you know what they are and there’s no pretense.
I think the point of trusting other people, isn’t that they will prove themselves trustworthy. It’s that you made the choice to give them the gift of your trust. Maybe this is too high minded but whether they then prove worthy of you, isn’t relevant. You have done what you can, it’s up to them to come the rest of the way.
I don’t know if that makes sense.
Yes it does. I was told something along those lines before, the idea being someone cannot ‘really’ hurt you short of stabbing you, or taking your house away, they cannot emotionally hurt you unless you give them permission otherwise it’s about what they do and therefore about them and not you. I wasn’t able to go with that, because I have seen so many times where a person flays another person say by bullying them in a job or betraying them as a friend or lover, and I don’t think many of us are strong enough to say ‘it’s them not us’ I think we may know logically it’s not us, but it still feels like what it is (a betrayal) so the hurt exists whether we personalize it or project it back onto them. I do see the purpose of attempting to do this and I think that’s what you are saying here, that trust isn’t about proving it but about giving it. I agree in theoretical terms you are absolutely on the money but in real life terms sometimes it’s just too friggin hard 🙂 I am not a coward but neither am I a lion. 🙂
Oh, it’s definitely a theory rather than a practicality. But it helps before and after to think of it this way.
And I hate the idea of others can’t hurt you. Of course they can. And of course I’m not responsible if they choose to.
But emotions and I definitely include trust there, those I’m responsible for.
Ageed. Being responsible is underrated
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And yeah, it’s hard. To be a lion. But sometimes, I can be the blade and that is good enough
Yes this is absolutely wonderful. I understand exactly about trust and how fragile it can be.